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A veteran secret service agent returns to France to bail out the 25-year-old son he’s never met, who is in a whole heap of comically perilous espionage-tinged trouble.
Starring Jean-Claude
Van Damme, Alban Ivanov, Assa Sylla, Samir Decazza
Written by David
Charhon, Ismael Sy Savane
Produced by Jean-Charles
Levy, Nicolas Manuel, Olivier Albou
Duration 110 minutes
Out of all the ’80s/’90s tough guys, there was something unique about Jean-Claude Van Damme.
Sure, on the surface, he seemed to be another Schwarzenegger, with a long, ‘European’-sounding name and an accent the movie often had to explain. He could be vulnerable, but then so could Stallone. And he kicked genuine ass, owing to a real-life proficiency in martial arts (shōtōkan karate and kickboxing), but how was that any different to Seagal (aikido)?
Yet nevertheless, he stood out. He wasn’t quite as hulking, but being more understated made him seem deadlier; like he could actually exist in the real world and would pummel the shit out of you, given the provocation – possibly by doing the splits and punching you in the groin.
And, crucially, he seemed to not take himself too seriously. Witness his bemused innocent Luc Deveraux in UNIVERSAL SOLDIER, fighting off a truck stop full of attackers while never interrupting his lunch; or the gloriously mulleted Chance Boudreaux in Cajun-flavoured masterpiece HARD TARGET, who thinks nothing of standing upright on a speeding motorbike and firing a Beretta 92FS while on a collision course with a truck.
As the ’90s
progressed, JCVD suffered the dip in relevance that affected all of his
ass-kicking contemporaries. I’d pinpoint his turn
towards direct-to-VHS status as the same thing that befell Seagal: humility
turned into hubris and he decided to helm his own project. With the ponytailed
one, it was 1993’s eco-lecture ON DEADLY GROUND; for Jean-Claude, it came in
the shape of THE QUEST (1996), another tournament movie that failed to recapture
the magic of BLOODSPORT or KICKBOXER, or even LIONHEART. (Van-Damme has been in a lot of
tournament movies.)
But after a string of forgettable efforts co-starring such luminaries as Dennis Rodman (DOUBLE TEAM) Rob Schneider (KNOCK OFF), and himself (MAXIMUM RISK – see also DOUBLE IMPACT and REPLICANT), the Bulging Belgium re-found that humility by playing himself in 2008’s JVCD. Half-way through the low-key heist movie, he delivers a sincere appraisal of his regrets and shortcomings both personal and professional by way of a six-minute, one-take monologue. Since then, there’s been THE EXPENDABLES 2, KUNG-FU PANDA 2, and I urge you to check out the bonkers UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: DAY OF RECKONING.
So, with the feeling that Van-Damme’s career might be on an upward curve again, I was fairly optimistic about THE LAST MERCENARY.
Encouraging sign number one: the self-deprecating humour is present and correct. Jean-Claude's introduced doing his signature splits between ceiling beams, bearded and in a beanie hat. As the still-active mercenary of the title, he’s on a rescue mission that has the tenor of a Gallic farce. Once the bad guys are defeated and the hostage released, our hero swan-dives out the window to the safety of a getaway truck. Shortly after, he relaxes by strutting his stuff in an up-market disco, doubtlessly in tribute to his infamous drunken dancing in KICKBOXER.
So, THE LAST
MERCENARY turns out to be an action comedy. Each car chase is scored to an ’80s
pop classic, from Blondie’s ‘One Way Or Another’ (actually from 1978, but indulge me), to a police chase through Paris in pursuit of a villain
dressed as Tony Montana who blasts out ‘Scarface (Push It To
The Limit)’. Now, as much as I love SCARFACE,
this is the kind of lazy choice that is indicative of the level at which this
movie is pitched. Why not try a little harder and have, say, the antagonist be
obsessed with Wesley Snipes’ Nino Brown from NEW JACK CITY, who himself
lionised the Brian De Palma classic in that movie?
Yes, THE LAST MERCENARY is as broad as an albatross’s wingspan; very French, but also very reminiscent of ’80s Hong Kong action movies: bug-eyed wacky tone, iffy dubbing and violence that’s more Jackie Chan than John Woo. Samir Decazza's performance as the imperilled son is especially cartoonish, with much hysterical screaming.
There’s a line of secret service intrigue where the film wants to be BURN AFTER READING, with government agents playing catch-up to the escalating hi-jinks – when they’re not standing around telling each other stories about JCVD being a living legend. Meanwhile, the man himself wears a succession of outfits and disguises, because funny, and, in one of those implausible look-how-old-this-guy-is touches that only ever happen in the movies, he reveals that he doesn't know how to fist-bump.
But, look. Van
Damme kicks a sufficient number of asses and even gets to do some serious
emoting, which should feel tonally out of place but in fact works because he’s just
so damn sincere. THE LAST MERCENARY is amusing more often than it is annoying; it's fun and likable and wants to do nothing more than entertain you. And at
that, it pretty much succeeds. Plus, I could never hate a film that ends on a
freeze-framed tribute to 1994’s STREET FIGHTER.
Three stars out of five.
Valid use of the
word ‘last’? Last of an ageing generation? More or less.
What would a movie called THE FIRST
MERCENARY be about? The film makes a number of cheeky
references to JCVD’s back catalogue, so his first assignment would have to be
reminiscent of his heel role in NO RETREAT, NO SURRENDER.
Previously: THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT
Next time: LAST MAN DOWN
Check out my books: Jonathanlastauthor.com
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