THE LAST RIGHT (2019, Aoife Crehan)

* * * 

A man discovers that the old fella he just met on a plane has died and named him next of kin. 

Starring  Michiel Huisman, Niamh Algar, Samuel Bottomley, Colm Meaney, Brian Cox

Written by  Aoife Crehan

Produced by  Paul Donovan, Pippa Cross, Casey Herbert

Duration  106 minutes   

 

Here we have a movie with a pun in its title. The story is about death; more accurately, someone dying, which might prompt a priest to read the last rites. But 'rite' has been replaced by 'right'.

Does the pun make sense? Not really. It does communicate the movie's blackly comic tone. But it doesn't have a genuine double meaning or really relate to the story, and so I don't think we can include THE LAST RIGHT within the annals of classic pun-tastic titles. 

Is the film about doing the right thing? Sort of, but aren't they all? Is it about having the right to do something, as in the permission? That's even more tenuous. Is it about taking a right turn instead of a left? Well, there is a lot of driving, but still ... Best thing I can say is I don't think I've ever come across this particular pun before. But maybe there's a good reason for that.

For the record, here are some good examples of punnage in movie titles (without necessarily endorsing the flicks themselves): 

– MAID IN MANHATTAN

– MADE OF HONOR

– INSIDE MAN

– FACE/OFF

– CODA

– RATATOUILLE 

– CHOPPING MALL

– CHICKEN RUN

And for balance, here are some that don't quite work for me: 

– KNIGHT AND DAY

– BEE MOVIE

– RAT RACE

– LEGALLY BLONDE

– GOOD WILL HUNTING

– COP OUT

Fortunately, THE LAST RIGHT manages to transcend dubious wordplay to be a nice little find.

We meet our hero, Daniel, flying from New York (where he relocated many years ago) to County Cork (where he's from) to bury his mother. Worse luck: he's been seated next to a boring old man. 

I wondered at this point whether not wanting to listen to a stranger droning on was going to be a negative characteristic that our protagonist needs to overcome. That never really happens, though he does learn to be less self-centred, more accepting of others, etc. But in this first scene, Daniel's irritated reaction made me sympathetic. Leave the man alone, old timer, he just wants to spend his eight hours flying across the Atlantic in peace!

The old guy – played by Jim Norton, best known as a stern Bishop on Irish sitcom Father Ted – takes a liking to our Daniel. Unbeknownst to Daniel, he names the young fellah as next of kin on his landing card. Then an hour later he's dead, leaving Daniel to deal with his corpse.

It's a bit like when you joke that if you volunteered in an old folk's home, maybe one of them would leave you millions in their will. Hmm, maybe I should look into that, actually ...

Back in his home country, Daniel has to deal with not only transporting the corpse from the bottom of the Republic of Ireland to the top of Northern Ireland, but also reconnecting with his autistic younger brother, Louis.

It becomes a road movie, with our heroes meeting a succession of colourful and eccentric characters along the way. The siblings are joined by Mary, a worker from the funeral home who tags along – I didn't pick up exactly why. She acts as a mediator between Daniel and Louis and potential love interest to the former. Also, actress Niamh Algar really resembles Jenna Fischer, The Office's Pam. Which is a plus.

The trio haven't been travelling long before Mary delivers the line "You know, the two of yous are kind of like RAIN MAN!" Thus lampshading what I myself was thinking. Then, when they find out that Daniel is really Louis' father, Mary exclaims, "This is more Eastenders now than RAIN MAN!" It made me wonder whether these were actual comments made in script meetings that they then added to the dialogue. This kind of meta stuff can be cloying, but I welcomed the self-awareness on this occasion.

I realise now that the scenario of a big city guy returning for a funeral and being re-charmed by his home town's ways was also done in LAST CALL. So, I guess that's a last-movie trend? Probably it needs to happen at least three times to be a trend. Ah, well.

Another thing it shares with another entry on this blog is that it’s a Christmas movie. Or rather a covert Christmas movie – one where the season isn't central to the plot but adds some kind of thematic weight. Randomly, I keep watching movies at the moment that turn out to be set during the Yuletide; in fact, after ROBOCOP 3 (underrated), BABYGIRL (overrated) and now this, that's three in a row! So that's definitely a trend, right?

(Other covert Christmas movies include RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD and BETTER OFF DEAD. You want more? How about ROCKY IV? THE BOURNE IDENTITY? THE APARTMENT? EASTERN PROMISES? TANGERINE? TRANCERS? Are you happy now? Are you? OK, that's enough.)

Overall, THE LAST RIGHT is a sweet picture. It overcomes its RAIN MAN-aping central relationship to be both funny and touching. I really liked how it ends, with Daniel deciding to set up a charity for people who die without a next of kin.

A couple more observations. What with its director and two of the stars, this movie does pretty well for featuring hard-to-pronounce Irish names. So you've got Aoife (ee-fuh) Crehan, Niamh (nee-av) Algar and Colm (col-um) Meaney. Well played; I only wish they could've fitted in Saoirse (seeuh-shuh) Ronan and Siobhán (shih-von) McSweeney, for a full-house.

A word on one of your actors there. It's not a real Irish movie unless Colm Meaney turns up. Here he plays a senior police officer, like he did in INTERMISSION. The erstwhile Transporter Chief Miles O'Brien is always a welcome addition, whether over in Hollywood (UNDER SIEGE, CON AIR), back in his homeland (THE COMMITMENTS, THE VAN) or in the UK (LAYER CAKE, THE DAMNED UNITED). Not to mention featuring in long-running science-fiction franchises (as O'Brien on both Star Trek: The Next Generation and Deep Space Nine).

Maybe old Colm should have played the protagonist here, and then they could have called the movie STOP BEING SUCH A MEANEY. Hey, just a thought!

Three stars out of five.

 

 

Valid use of the word ‘last’?  It’s a pun title that doesn’t make sense, so search me. 

What would a movie called THE FIRST RIGHT be like?  If it was an American movie about their First Amendment, it would revolve around “Protection of the freedom of speech, religion, the press, and making complaints and requests to the government”. So I guess ... a screwball comedy?

 

Previously:  LAST SEEN ALIVE

Next time:  THE LAST TYCOON 

Check out my books:  Jonathanlastauthor.com

THE LAST MOVIE STAR (2017, Adam Rifkin)

 

* * * 

An over-the-hill actor re-evaluates his life when he’s coaxed into appearing at an obscure film festival being held in his honour.

Starring  Burt Reynolds, Ariel Winter, Clark Duke, Ellar Coltrane, Chevy Chase  

Written by  Adam Rifkin   

Produced by  Brian Cavallaro, Neil Mandt, Adam Rifkin, Gordon Whitener

Duration  103 minutes

 

Well I never.

Burt Reynolds just joined my list of actors that I never realised were also directors. (Bill Duke, Henry Winkler, Paul Newman, Michael Keaton and Dennis Hopper complete that list.)

Yes, I know Burt didn’t direct this movie. Frustratingly, one of his credits behind the camera is something called THE LAST PRODUCER. I wanted to make that movie the subject of this review, but unfortunately, I couldn’t find a copy anywhere. If I had been able to, then the tangent I’m about to go off on would make much more sense. Not that I’m not going to let a detail like that deter me.

So, it turns out the late Mr Reynolds was credited as director on seven feature films. He’s certainly not part of the one-and-done crowd of actor/directors: I’m thinking Johnny Depp, Richard Pryor, Nicolas Cage, Dan Aykroyd, Ryan Gosling, Marlon Brando, Drew Barrymore, Eddie Murphy, Steven Seagal. You know, those guys.

Burt’s tally may be far short of the, say, 40 that Clint Eastwood has under his belt, but surely his number should be high enough for the world to acknowledge that he had a career behind the camera as well as in front? After all, his seven is only two less than Robert Redford managed and one more than Mel Gibson so far. And yet, when you Google Redford, Gibson or Clint, you get back ‘actor and filmmaker’. But poor Burt only comes up as ‘actor’.

We can speculate as to why this might be. Is it because Reynolds never directed a Best Picture winner, such as ORDINARY PEOPLE, BRAVEHEART or UNFORGIVEN and MILLION DOLLAR BABY? Maybe. Is it because his films are instead obscure efforts such as GATOR, STICK and THE MAN FROM LEFT FIELD? Possibly. Is it to do with how apart from THE END and SHARKEY’S MACHINE, barely anyone went to see them? Very likely.

Whatever the reason, being seen as an actor only makes Burt ideal to headline THE LAST MOVIE STAR. Reynolds is known as a macho, mustachioed star of 1970’s cinema and that’s all he’s known for. That, and for getting a Best Supporting Actor nomination for BOOGIE NIGHTS in 1997 and then promptly disowning the film.

And so, THE LAST MOVIE STAR. Burt plays Vic Edwards, a Reynolds proxy – they literally introduce him with genuine talk show footage from our man's '70s pomp.

But before long, we're in the present day, specifically a grey-walled waiting room, with a haggard and grey-haired Vic, dressed in a grey jacket and sporting a grey-white beard. He's at the vet with his loyal dog, who can no longer function properly and is well past his best. Metaphor alert.

Vic still has his gated LA mansion to drive home to, but despite the posters of his old movies lining the walls, it's a sad, empty, curtain-drawn place. Vic settles into his threadbare armchair and drinks vodka straight from the bottle. Beyond this, his day-to-day consists of sauntering to the supermarket, struggling with the shopping trolley and being ignored when he smiles at young women.

The plot kicks into gear when Vic goes to brunch with his pal, played by a wrinkly Chevy Chase. Turns out Vic's being honoured with a lifetime achievement award at the Nashville Film Festival. Which, after some persuasion from Chevy, he grouchily decides to fly out to. He’s actually from Nashville, after all.

At the airport, he's met by Lil (Ariel Winter), his chaperone for his weekend in Tennessee. She's surly, aggressive and confrontational, constantly shouting down her phone at her deadbeat boyfriend. She picks Vic up in a rust-bucket car and deposits him in a sleazy motel. This is a far cry from what he was used to during his pomp.

As is the film festival itself, which is held in a scummy bar and organised by Lil's dweeby brother, played by the eternally dweeby Clark Duke. Vic ends up getting drunk and lashing out, then goes back to his motel and collapses on the bed in a stupor.

The next day, when Lil comes to take him back to the festival, he insists that she instead drive him around his home town so he can take a trip down memory lane. So, we now get an odd-couple road movie, where two opposites start to respect each other, realise they have more in common than they thought, etc.

Despite laying the schmaltz on a bit thick, THE LAST MOVIE STAR is a pretty good swansong for Reynolds, who died a few months after its release. He's committed and vulnerable, and there's genuine pathos when he comes to terms with his regrets. A couple of times, present-day Burt is spliced into footage from SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT and DELIVERANCE, the sequences recut so that Old Burt is interrogating his younger self. It's cheesy, but I found it effective.

Also of note is Winter. She's using the movie to push against her sitcom persona (as the nerd-bird daughter in Modern Family), in the tradition of Friends' Jennifer Aniston playing dowdy in THE GOOD GIRL (playing a character named Justine Last!) or James Van Der Beek sleazing it up in THE RULES OF ATTRACTION following Dawson's Creek. I was impressed, and I think Winter deserves a shot at longevity post-TV.

Does she have a chance of matching 82-year-old Burt Reynolds, top box-office draw from 1978 to 1982? Probably not, but as THE LAST MOVIE STAR makes very clear, there will only ever be one Burt. I mean, Vic Edwards. Of course.

Three stars out of five. 

Valid use of the word ‘last’?  Not literally. But since the concept of the movie star itself has long been in decline, it’s definitely fair to say that Vic/Burt is part of a dying breed.

What would a movie called THE FIRST MOVIE STAR be about?  That would be Florence Lawrence, widely thought to be the first film actor to be named publicly, back in the 1910s.

 

Previously:  THE LAST HEIST

Next time:  THE LAST SHARKNADO: IT’S ABOUT TIME    

Check out my books:  Jonathanlastauthor.com

THE LAST BUS (2021, Gillies MacKinnon)

 

* * * 

An old guy decides to travel from one end of the UK to the other by bus.

Starring  Timothy Spall, Phyllis Logan, Natalie Mitson, Ben Ewing

Written by  Joe Ainsworth

Produced by  Roy Boulter, Sol Papadopoulos

Duration  88 minutes 

"Since when did they start charging for the bus? Didn't we used to ride that shit to school every morning for free?"

– Jay, JAY AND SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK

Public transport and the glamour of movies. The two don't tend to mix.

That applies especially to buses. To use the bus is seen as a defeat, a symbol of shamefully low status. The most common onscreen utterance is some variation of "Don't take the smelly old bus!"

Buses don't ever feature in any positive or aspirational way. SPEED (1994) is the most famous example of making a bus central to the plot, but there's nothing desirable about taking the number 33 to Santa Monica. Sandra Bullock's character is only tolerating the journey because of a driving ban ("I like my car, I miss my car"). And a bus is only one of three places Dennis Hopper puts his bombs: it's a lift first, then the bus, then finally a train.

Beyond SPEED? Randomly, the year 2010 featured two movies with bus-riding protagonists, neither of whom are conventionally heroic. Michael Cera's Scott Pilgrim from SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD is an unlucky-in-love geek, whereas Roger Greenberg in GREENBERG (Ben Stiller) irritates everyone he meets.

Er, what else ... STAR TREK IV: THE VOYAGE HOME (1986)? That bit with Spock and the punk's boombox?

Trains generally get better treatment. THE TAKING OF PELHAM 123 (1974) is a love letter to the New York subway. Liam Nesson foils a conspiracy on his train home in THE COMMUTER (2018). Tony Scott wringed rail-based thrills out of the PELHAM remake (2009) and, in his final film, UNSTOPPABLE (2010). Oh, then there are BULLET TRAIN (2022) and SNOWPIERCER (2013), movies that apparently some people like (but not me).

Cars, of course, are regularly fawned over in films. You can even get labelled an actual hero for racing around in one at dangerous speeds. But I'd say that among public transport, only the aeroplane regularly gets a good rap. Probably because it's the one thing that can handle journeys impossible by car.

So, traveling by bus is something that should only be endured in extreme circumstances. And yet in THE LAST BUS, we follow a person who voluntarily elects to use several of the things. What gives?

We open in 1952 with a young couple. The woman is unhappy and wants to move "as far as possible" away from their home in Land's End, Cornwall. As anyone who resides in the British Isles knows, they're already at one end of the country. The furthest they can go without crossing a body of water is northeast to John O' Groats, up in Scotland.

We then cut to that particular Scottish village, now in the present day. Same couple, except much older. Within minutes of screen time, she (Phyllis Logan) has sadly died of cancer. He, Tom (Timothy Spall), then decides to make the trip back to their old house in Cornwall. He concludes that the most practical way of doing this, owing to his advanced age and lack of car, will be by bus. (Not just one single bus, you understand. I did that once from London to Edinburgh, for only £5, non-stop. That was eight hours of pure fun, I can tell you.)

So Tom slowly makes his way southwest through the UK, bus by bus, meeting a range of characters as he goes. There's the disillusioned young lad who wants to join the army and is interested in Tom's WWII experiences. There's the Land Rover driver who needs a hand with his engine. There's the racist white man hassling a Muslim mother who Tom stands up to. There's the rowdy football fans, cartoonishly depicted in full colours, whose clash with a hen do is subdued by Tom singing 'Amazing Grace' with a local tramp.

Now, during many of these colourful incidents, where Tom intervenes to help turn a bad situation around, people pop up with their mobiles and film him in action. Then we see them tagging him on some kind of social media app. Hmm, wonder if that will come up again later.

We find out that, like his late wife, Tom has inoperable cancer. With not long left, he's doubly determined to complete his odyssey. And that's no matter how many bureaucratic bus drivers tell him his OAP pass isn't valid for this route; or how blown about by the wind he gets at a rural bus stop; or how many times he ends up in hospital with minor injuries. Plus he gets very defensive if anyone touches the old brown suitcase he lugs around with him, even if it's just a couple of kids at a Ukrainian family party he ends up getting invited to.

And, yes indeed, Tom has become a social media sensation, with people recognising him and offering to pay his bus fares. A cheering crowd greets him at his final destination, where the ultimate purpose of this cross-country exodus is revealed: that closely guarded suitcase contains his late wife's ashes, which he wants to scatter into the sea at the place they first met. Which he does, in a scene that plays like the non-comedic version of The Dude emptying the coffee can of Donnie's remains at the end of THE BIG LEBOWSKI. Tom also visits the grave of their daughter, whose death in infancy was the tragedy that spurred the couple to move so far away, all those years ago.

So, look. This is a performance film. It's an acting showcase for Mr Spall. That's all that really matters. And of course he delivers: lower lip protruding, mumbling to himself, all strong stuff. It's a sentimental film, it's a gentle film, it's a slight film. But, just like taking the bus, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Plus, it's better than THE LAST JOURNEY, although roughly on par with LAST PASSENGER.

Three stars out of five.

Valid use of the word ‘last’?  The last bus Tom takes will indeed be the last one he’ll ever take.

What would a movie called THE FIRST BUS be like?  More than 20% of the UK is covered by a bus operator called First Bus. But what happens when a conspiracy is uncovered by one enterprising driver, which goes all the way to the very top ... etc.

Previously:  UNDISPUTED 2: LAST MAN STANDING

Next time:  THE LAST TIME I COMMITTED SUICIDE  

Check out my books:  Jonathanlastauthor.com

UNDISPUTED 2: LAST MAN STANDING (2006, Isaac Florentine)

* * * 

A professional boxer and former felon thinks he's done fighting in illegal prison tournaments. The Russian mob has other ideas.

Starring  Michael Jai White, Scott Adkins, Ben Cross, Eli Danker, Mark Ivanir, Ken Lerner

Written by  James Townsend, David N White   

Produced by  Boaz Davidson, David Varod, Danny Dimbort   

Duration  94 minutes   

 

When it comes to action movies, I have a secret shame. A shame that causes me no little anguish.

A little background. Growing up, it was all Arnie. COMMANDO, THE TERMINATOR(S), PREDATOR, TOTAL RECALL. And to a lesser extent, LAST ACTION HERO and THE RUNNING MAN. Although not RAW DEAL, never that one. (Does anyone out there actually like RAW DEAL?)

Later, I started to warm up to Stallone, as well: FIRST BLOOD, TANGO & CASH, DEMOLITION MAN and (especially) CLIFFHANGER. I would also come to respect how he could write and direct, too.

Between those two titans, there was always a smattering of Willis, Van-Damme, Lundgren and Seagal in between.

But as the 1990s drew to a close, so did the box office dominance of these muscle men. I consider FACE/OFF (1997) to be the last great 'classic' studio action picture. BLADE made a solid impression a year later, but showed worrying signs of ushering in the superhero apocalypse that was to come. Then the most overrated movie of the 20th Century, THE MATRIX, hit big in 1999, ensuring that nerds' fantasies of breaking free from drudgery to wear costumes and wield special powers would dominate action cinema for the next 25 years.

So, the age of the R-rated/18-certificate action movie was over. I gritted my teeth as the appeal grew broader, CGI started to dominate, and the mayhem got watered down. Adapting from source material for people who still need their books to have pictures became the norm. A little part of me died; I mourned by keeping my physical media collection, and keeping it close.

This is the source of my shame. That I gave up. That I rolled over like a cowardly henchman in the final stretch, when he realises he that he has no chance against the hero.

And yet, it wasn't over. Not really. Like a tournament in a JCVD movie, the action scene merely went underground. It just carried on in the direct-to-video market, which is still flourishing today. (The term 'DTV' endures, even if we've long moved past going direct to video or even DVD and into the age of streaming.)

The budgets went down. The aging stars adjusted. New icons emerged. The quality may be patchy, but no more than it ever was.

Diving into the DTV action pool is well overdue for me – although, in my defense, I did recently check out the rightly lauded latter-day UNIVERSAL SOLDIER sequels, REGENERATION and DAY OF RECKONING. 

And handily, the players involved with UNDISPUTED 2: LAST MAN STANDING happen to make it a pretty good DTV action primer. For starters, director Isaac Florentine (NINJA, ACTS OF VENGEANCE) is one of the sub-genre's leading helmers. Star Michael Jai White (SPAWN, EXIT WOUNDS), meanwhile, is a charismatic leading man – and if you've never seen his hilarious BLACK DYNAMITE, please do. 

But as well as those two, UNDISPUTED 2 features Birmingham-born Scott Adkins (ACCIDENT MAN, CLOSE RANGE). He's the poster boy of DTV action, as well as occasionally dipping his lethal toe into Hollywood's waters: THE EXPENDABLES 2, ZERO DARK THIRTY, JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 4.

So, watching UNDISPUTED 2: LAST MAN STANDING, then. First thing to note is that it's not to be confused with this movie. The director of that, Walter Hill, actually helmed the first UNDISPUTED, as well as middling Arnie vehicle RED HEAT. Do try to keep up at the back.

Anyway, Michael Jai White plays George Chambers, a boxer who, as played by Ving Rhames in UNDISPUTED 1, won a prison boxing tournament and was then released. We catch up with him as he's trying to get his professional punching people career back on track. Currently, he's touring Russia, while doing a Bill Murray in LOST IN TRANSLATION on the side: hawking booze in cheesy commercials.

This film is set in a world in which the mega-rich elite watch privately televised mixed martial arts fights between hardened cons, broadcast straight from the prison and run by the Russian mob. Currently, this pseudo-sport is dominated by Atkins' character. He enters the ring like a celebrity: hood up, the crowd chanting his name: "Boyka! Boyka! Boyka!" There may as well have been entry music.

Since Boyka tends to obliterate any mug foolish enough to touch gloves with him, no one is bothering to bet anymore. The mob's solution? Frame former champ and Mike Tyson-substitute Chambers for cocaine trafficking and throw him in the same slammer, putting him on a collision course with the mighty Boyka.

Look, I'm going to be honest. Boxing has never done much for me. Mostly over in a couple of rounds, primarily two fighters grappling up close and rarely landing any blows. And yet it's surrounded by immense hype, the fighters slag each other off in the press, etc.

MMA, however, I think I could get into. All I've seen of it comes from the movies, but it seems a lot more dynamic: spinning kicks, throws, exotic combos. And that's certainly what we get here. Florentine shoots the bouts with intensity, keeping both fighters in frame most of the time, giving a good sense of where they are in relation to each other. But also going in tight for some brutal close-ups and sprinkling a little slo-mo here and there. Plenty of blood flying out, bones breaking. Lovely.

UNDISPUTED 2 is not only an unlikely sequel – the Hill-directed original hardly set the world alight – but it also birthed a further two instalments. Both of which featuring Boyka as the hero

That Adkins, I'm telling ya. The hardest man to ever come out of the Midlands. Our beloved action genre is in good, sweaty, blood-caked hands. Long may it continue, and shame be damned. Everybody: "Boyka! Boyka! Boyka!"

Three stars out of five.

 

 

Valid use of the word ‘last’?  If you lose one of these fights, you are not the one who remains vertical. So, yeah, I'd say so.

What would FIRST MAN STANDING be like?  A tournament film focusing on a fan who is always the first to get off his feet and start applauding during the fights.

 

Previously:  THE LAST KISS

Next time:  THE LAST BUS

Check out my books:  Jonathanlastauthor.com

THE LAST KISS (2006, Tony Goldwyn)

 

* * * 

Boy, it's tough getting older. Who'd have thought you could have it all, yet still be unhappy about losing your youth?

Starring  Zach Braff, Jacinda Barrett, Casey Affleck, Rachel Bilson, Marley Shelton

Written by  Paul Haggis

Produced by  Gary Lucchesi, Tom Rosenberg, Marcus Viscidi, Andre Lamal

Duration  104 minutes

 

 

Presenting THE LAST KISS: myths vs reality.

Myth: Movies about young people struggling with the transition from carefree adolescence to grown-up responsibilities tend to be insufferable.

Reality: Opening voiceover from Zach Braff: "I'm 29 years old; I'll be 30 next month. So far, I gotta admit that my life has turned out pretty great."

Then, at a dinner with her parents, his girlfriend (Jacinda Barrett) announces that she is pregnant. Cut to: slow zoom-in to a close-up of Braff's bemused and gormless face.

If this plotline had occurred in Braff's star-making sitcom Scrubs (more on which later), we could have cut away to a desk fan that gets hit in the blades with a lump of shit. Just like that bit in disaster spoof AIRPLANE.

Whichever way, we get the point.

It's immediately clear that we have here yet another man-child movie. See any number starring Seth Rogan (KNOCKED UP also features an unexpected pregnancy) or Will Ferrell (especially STEP BROTHERS) or Robin Williams (JACK).


Myth: These kinds of movies are even worse when the narrative is "My life is perfect ... so why am I not happy?"

Reality: It is mightily hard to sympathise with someone whose life is essentially being threatened with a downgrade from 'absolutely brilliant' to 'pretty great, all things considered.'

The worst cinematic offender has to be BRUCE ALMIGHTY (2003). Pity poor Bruce (Jim Carrey): he has a great job as a TV reporter, but craves a promotion to news anchor. When someone else gets the gig, he lashes out petulantly, then sulks off home to his extravagant apartment to be comforted by his gorgeous girlfriend, played by Jennifer Aniston.

Yes, the viewer can find it difficult to care about a protagonist's problems when, to quote CASABLANCA (a movie with genuine jeopardy), they don't amount to a hill of beans. It's especially challenging in something like THE LAST KISS, where the main struggle is letting go of adolescence. Newsflash: you don't have to settle down, get married, buy a house, have kids. No one is forcing you to; plenty of people never tick off all those boxes.

But if you do decide to follow that particular path, then for crying out loud, don't start moaning about it. Try to remember that there are people out there who crave what you have.

Braff's character's main complaint is that his life has become predictable, that there are no more surprises left. As if going out and getting pissed with his mates every weekend to is full of variety, and starting your own family is a straightforward, never-changing bore. Moron.


Myth: Scrubs is the most annoying sitcom of all time.

Reality: How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory are its main competitors, I'd say. Here in the UK, things like Mrs Brown's Boys and Miranda provide stiff competition.

But Scrubs is definitely on the list. It had that cartoonish, Ally McBeal hyper-reality that was inexplicably popular at the turn of the century.

Braff wasn't the only culprit of this irritation-athon, but he takes his share of the blame. And he definitely has the kind of face you'd like to punch. Often, his expression suggests that he is expecting to be punched: features in a grimace, as if bracing for the worst.

Myth: THE LAST KISS was Zach Braff's second movie as director.

Reality: It was actually helmed by another mostly actor, Tony Goldwyn. He's probably still best known for playing Patrick Swayze's supposed friend but actual rival in GHOST. Apparently he was part of OPPENHEIMER's ensemble, too, but so many people were in that I must have missed him. Oh and THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT remake, too.

No, Braff's actual second turn behind the camera, following on from acclaimed debut GARDEN STATE, was something called WISH I WAS HERE. Nope, me neither.


Myth: THE LAST KISS has a homoerotic subtext.

Reality: I started to suspect this when Casey Affleck, playing one of Braff's mates, warns our hero to not cheat on his girlfriend. What persuasive rhetoric does he employ? "She's perfect! She's just like a guy!" Weird thing to say.

So, naturally I started keeping an eye out for more homoerotica. But there didn’t end up being enough to call it a trend. There is a bit with Affleck on the receiving end this time (ooh-er, etc), when another man tells him "call me!" in a camp voice while making that telephone hand gesture.

Seems like THE LAST KISS would have been quite a different film if they'd put Affleck's character at the centre of it ...


Myth: These mid-noughties comedy-dramas haven't aged well.

Reality: Well, the soundtrack dates it: Snow Patrol, Athlete, Rufus Wainwright, early Coldplay. And some of the fashion: baggy clothes, more spiky hair and sideburns than you see these days, hardly any smart phones.

But it's certainly not as era-specific as things made in the 1990s or 1980s tend to be.


Myth: In fact, they don't really make these kinds of movies at all anymore.

Reality: It does feel like something that nowadays would be a Netflix show.

For one thing, it's very sub-plot-heavy. It's nearly an ensemble piece, like HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU (2009) or WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING (2012). Braff's three friends all get their own arcs; as do Barrett's parents, played by reliable old-handers Blythe Danner and Tom Wilkinson.

Harold Ramis also pops up in a cameo that suggests a bigger role giving way during post-production.

Myth: Zach Braff is able to pull off playing a complex, conflicted character and make them sympathetic, despite their flaws.

Reality: Look, the angst he is going through is not uncommon. The malaise, the quarter-life crisis ... fair enough, fair enough.

But when he, a man in a committed relationship with a partner up the duff, accepts Rachel Bilson's college-age temptress’s flirtations, he erodes our goodwill by not immediately getting the fuck away from her.

Then, he gives her his number when she asks for it.

Then, he goes to meet her outside her college.

Then, he agrees to go to a frat party with her. Where he kisses her! And it's only then that he suddenly pulls away and says "No! This isn't right!"

But that's not the end. Because then, he has a minor tiff with Barrett and immediately runs back to Bilson and only goes and bloody shags her, right in her dorm room! (Not a euphemism.)

Not really endearing yourself to us, are you my man? And of course, Barrett finds out and is justifiably fuming.


Myth: After taking the hero's journey to a point as dire as the above, a film is never going to be able to get the audience back onside – especially with only a short-ish third act left to go.

Reality: OK, so here's the thing. THE LAST KISS did win me over in the end.

Braff doesn't get off the hook easily. He's made to suffer. He's genuinely repentant and seems to have learned his lesson. Everyone makes mistakes, people aren’t perfect and they can change. A good perspective, in my opinion. Actually rather refreshing, when the common dialogue today is more 'one strike and you're out, buddy'. (Am I really looking back on 20 years ago as a lost and more innocent time?)

I also liked how they wrapped it up: with a hint of hope, but no dramatic, cathartic resolution. Only the feeling that this young couple will have to work on things, and it may take a long time, and they might not succeed. But they are going to try.

And hey – at least the guy's not bored anymore! Am I right? Huh? 

Three stars out of five.

 

 

Valid use of the word ‘last’?  It's a a title that makes me think they couldn't come up with one and landed on that late in the day. THE LAST FLING would have been more accurate, but they probably wanted something softer to draw in the romcom crowd.

What would a movie called THE FIRST KISS be about?  I wouldn't have been surprised if that was one of the titles spit-balled for the Drew Barrymore vehicle NEVER BEEN KISSED.

 

Previously:  LAST THREE DAYS

Next time:  UNDISPUTED 2: LAST MAN STANDING 

Check out my books:  Jonathanlastauthor.com

LAST DANCE (1996, Bruce Beresford)

 

* * * 

A woman on death row sees a chance for clemency when a new lawyer takes on her case.

Starring  Sharon Stone, Rob Morrow, Randy Quaid, Peter Gallagher, Jack Thompson

Written by  Steven Haft, Ron Koslow

Produced by  Steven Haft

Duration  103 minutes  

 

Watching LAST DANCE forces the viewer to confront a question cinephiles have grappled with for three decades. Is Sharon Stone a good actor?

Stone seemed to burst out of nowhere, aged 33, when she played Catherine Tramell in BASIC INSTINCT (1992). But really she'd been around for ages, beavering away in movies of varying quality until getting her big break.

There was Wes Craven's Hittite horror DEADLY BLESSING (1981); Drew Barrymore emancipation drama IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES (1984); INDIANA JONES knock-off KING SOLOMON'S MINES (1985) (and its sequel); POLICE ACADEMY 4: CITIZENS ON PATROL (1987), which was so bad it pushed Steve Guttenberg out of the franchise; ABOVE THE LAW (1988), which made Steven Seagal a star; and ACTION JACKSON (also 1988), which failed to do the same for Carl Weathers.

Then BASIC INSTINCT made Stone big; so big that the makers of 1994's THE FLINTSTONES movie wrote a part for her called 'Sharon Stone'. She turned this prehistoric payday down, perhaps not wanting to become a parody of herself, although she hadn't minded popping up as Tramell in LAST ACTION HERO.

Reflecting on casting the part that made her famous, director Paul Verhoeven noted Stone's ability to turn on a dime from vulnerable to vixen, citing her performance for him as the duplicitous fake-wife in TOTAL RECALL. Personally, I love BASIC INSTINCT, with all its sleazy insanity and mile-wide plot holes (two words: forensic evidence). It's the ultra-graphic version of FRENZY Alfred Hitchcock wishes he'd been allowed to make. And I especially value it for Stone, who gives one of the most underrated performances of the 1990s. But was it a one-off?

Unfortunately, Stone is often only remembered for that legs-uncrossing scene. And it's likely that this overt sexuality has taken attention away from her craft. For instance, when she got Oscar-nominated for 1995's CASINO, her achievement was rarely referenced without mention of all the glitzy outfits she adorned throughout the three-hour Vegas mob epic. (To be fair, the colourful suits Robert De Niro wore were also often commented upon.)

But nevertheless, Stone never again reached the heights of her Verhoeven or Scorsese pictures. Other than in those, it's fair to say she's been pretty forgettable. And occasionally, downright regrettable – I'm thinking of the ill-judged BASIC INSTINCT 2: RISK ADDICTION, or her unintentionally hilarious fat-suited turn in ALPHA DOG.

LAST DANCE, meanwhile, is most remembered (if it's remembered at all, which I'm sure it's not) as wilting in the awards-lavished shadow of the similar DEAD MAN WALKING. In fact, it made even less money than the death penalty movie that came straight after it, John Grisham adaptation THE CHAMBER.

But despite the box office underperformance, could it be that LAST DANCE is Sharon Stone's overlooked masterpiece of cinematic acting?

The movie was her follow-up to CASINO and a clear attempt to 'de-glam', after not only that film but other sexy roles like SLIVER, THE SPECIALIST and DIABOLIQUE.

In this one, Stone's Cindy Liggett is spoken about for a good 15 minutes before she's even shown in the flesh. We just get photos in Cindy's case file, and not only of her but of her crime: she's on death row for a brutal double murder.

Our entry into Cindy's world comes via Rob Morrow's inexperienced lawyer. Morrow, fresh from six moose-bothering seasons of Northern Exposure, receives Stone as a by-the-numbers case, scheduled for lethal injection in 30 days, no interest in parole from either the state or herself.

But the more Morrow burrows, the more he becomes convinced that Cindy is ... not innocent, but the victim of a mishandled case that has left her unfairly facing the chair. (I'm aware that they don't actually use the electric chair anymore, but presumably when they lethally inject you, they're nice enough to let you sit down?) But his bosses don't want him to dig too deep and pressure him to leave well alone.

Stone is definitely as unglamorous as we've ever seen her. It's the hair, a dirty copper-brown. It's the accent, from somewhere deep south. It's the lack of makeup and baggy prison clothes. And especially it's her blunt, charmless character. Granted, she's not quite Charlize Theron in MONSTER. But it's close.

As well as presenting an un-glitzed version of its leading lady, LAST DANCE grapples with issues. Are some people on death row who shouldn't be? Should there be a death row? Why is it even called a 'row'? Some or possibly none of these matters are explored during the film's running time.

To be honest – and stop me if you can tell – LAST DANCE never really gripped me. I don't remember much about DEAD MAN WALKING, but I'm sure it was better than this. (THE CHAMBER I can't recall whether I've seen or not, although I did read the book and thought it a lesser Grisham, certainly no Rainmaker or Firm or Time To Kill.) There's not much wrong with LAST DANCE, it's just kind of ... there.

Mid-movie, I started to wonder whether this should have been the actual BASIC INSTINCT 2. Catherine Tramell has been caught and convicted, awaiting corporal punishment for her multiple homicides. Stone could do her black widow thing on Morrow, manipulating him into busting her out. But then when they go on the run together (stopping off now and then for kinky motel-room romps), he can't be sure if she's going to stab him with an icepick next. But he keeps on shagging her silly all the same. It could even feature Michael Douglas's character from the first one in a cameo, giving evidence via video link from a home for retired sex-addicted cops.

As to the issue of Sharon Stone's acting talent? The jury's still out. But the appeal has been lodged. And the court is in session. And, um ... well, you get the idea with that one.

Three stars out of five.

 

 

Valid use of the word ‘last’?  She ain't dancing no more – tango or otherwise. Oh, and it turns out they have you lying down when they administer the lethal injection, not sitting in a chair. But 'get the gurney' doesn't have the same ring to it.

What would a movie called FIRST DANCE be about?  Maybe yet another alternate universe BASIC INSTINCT sequel. It begins with a wedding, but ends ... with a massacre!

 

Previously:  THE LAST DAYS ON MARS

Next time:  THE LAST MOVIE

Check out my books:  Jonathanlastauthor.com

THE LAST SHIFT (2020, Andrew Cohn)

 

* * * 

Old meets young across the griddle; burgers are served and lessons are learned.

Starring  Richard Jenkins, Shane Paul McGhie, Da’Vine Joy Randolph, Ed O’Neill

Written by  Andrew Cohn

Produced by  Albert Berger, Ron Yerxa, Sam Bisbee, Alex Lipschultz, Bert Kern  

Duration  90 minutes

THE LAST SHIFT stars Richard Jenkins. Films do not usually star Richard Jenkins. This is despite Jenkins being a professional actor who mostly acts in feature films. 

Have you ever recognised an actor from multiple films whose name escapes you? That's a character actor. 'That guy from' or 'that woman who was in'.

Sometimes, character actors do get leading roles. Two of the greatest, Paul Giamatti and Jeffrey Wright, were nominated in the Best Actor category (rather than Supporting) at the 2024 Academy Awards, for THE HOLDOVERS and AMERICAN FICTION. In the end, OPPENHEIMER's Cillian Murphy went home with the statue – not usually a headliner himself, unless you count the overrated Peaky Blinders on TV. And back in 2007, undisputed supporting player royalty Forest Whitaker also won as a headliner.

So what happens when character actors get leading success? Do they see it as an opportunity to break out, or are they happy to go right back to low billings? Is character acting a choice or were they forced into it because they aren't 'traditional leading material' – AKA not good looking enough? Conversely, some conventionally attractive performers have been described as character actors in a lead actor's skin. They mostly skew the usual romcoms or action hero parts for quirkier fare, more stretching roles, working with auteur directors. Brad Pitt comes to mind, as does Robert Pattinson.

Richard Jenkins, meanwhile, may be the ultimate character actor. The male example, at least – Bojack Horseman made a compelling case for recurring guest star 'Character Actress Margo Martindale'.

Jenkins is certainly one of my favourite character actors. Being lesser-known doesn't mean these performers can't have memorable roles; take Jenkins' sad-sack gym manager in BURN AFTER READING. As the only likable person among a gang of selfish oddballs, his unrequited pining for the vacuous Frances McDormand is particularly heart-breaking amongst the movie's nihilistic zaniness.

In THE LAST SHIFT, Jenkins' role is one all character actors end up with eventually: the elderly mentor. Having worked most of his life at a 24-hour fast-food joint, his Stanley is finally on his way out, due to retire down to Florida to take care of his ailing mother.

Into Stanley's life comes Shane Paul McGhie's 20-something Jevon, recently paroled and trying to get back on the straight and narrow to support his new-born baby and exasperated girlfriend.

Stan is proud to have held down his job for 40 years, no matter how menial a life flipping burgers may have been. Jevon, in contrast, has bounced from job to job but is no layabout: he's a writer who dwells on workers' rights, race, privilege and more besides. As they spend the long night shifts chatting away, these two opposites start to get to know – and appreciate – each other.

It sounds corny and the film is admittedly slight. But it works as a drama, light on cliché and strong on performance. Not just Jenkins (natch) but also McGhie as his young foil.

THE LAST SHIFT is not subtle about portraying Jenkins as a loser in time-honoured movie terms. He takes the bus to work, because using public transportation means you are a failure; and when he does finally get a car, it's not even a 'cool car' – for shame! And he works in the service industry, the kind of career you quickly walk away from, not one you aspire to stay in. And he talks about his mother a lot, which ever since PSYCHO has been a big red flag. Not that he goes on a killing spree while dressed in her clothes or anything like that.

That's pretty much all I've got to say about THE LAST SHIFT. So, in closing, here are 12 films that you may not have realised Richard Jenkins is in:

SPOTLIGHT (2015) – as Richard Sipe

WHITE HOUSE DOWN (2013) – as Raphelson

THE KINGDOM (2007) – as Robert Grace

I HEART HUCKABEES (2004) – as Mr Hooten

THE CORE (2003) – as General Purcell

THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY (1998) – as a psychiatrist

ABSOLUTE POWER (1997) – as Michael McCarty

BLUE STEEL (1990) – as Attorney Mel Dawson

SEA OF LOVE (1989) – as Gruber

THE WITCHES OF EASTWICK (1987) – as Clyde Alden

HANNAH AND HER SISTERS (1986) – as Dr Wilkes

SILVERADO (1986) – as Kelly

Three stars out of five.

 

Valid use of the word ‘last’?  Technically, the narrative revolves around several of Stanley's shifts up until the actual last one, but we'll give it a pass.

What would a movie called THE FIRST SHIFT be about?  They could CGI Jenkins to look 40 years younger, like De Niro and Pacino in THE IRISHMAN. That would be cool.

 

Previously:  THE LAST AMERICAN HERO

Next time:  THE LAST DAYS OF DISCO

Check out my books:  Jonathanlastauthor.com