Review #27 THE LAST STAND (2013, Kim Jee-woon)

 

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The sheriff of a sleepy Arizona town and his ragtag police force are the last barrier between a fugitive felon and his escape into Mexico.

Starring  Arnold Schwarzenegger, Forest Whitaker, Johnny Knoxville, Luis Guzmán, Peter Stormare, Genesis Rodriguez

Written by  Andrew Knauer

Produced by  Lorenzo di Bonaventura

Duration  105 minutes

It’s Christmas Day 2012, and I am the proud recipient of Total Recall – no, not the 1990 mind-bending, ultra-violent sci-fi action classic, which I of course have already owned for several years by this point, and not the tepid Colin Farrell remake, either.

I’m talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger’s autobiography, subtitled My Unbelievably True Life Story. (Missed a chance there for something like All True with No Lies, or maybe Never a Raw Deal.)

Ploughing through the 656-page hardback over the following weeks (big guy, big book), I find that it’s split into three clear phases: transformation from Austrian village-boy to world-famous bodybuilder; acting; and finally, politics. And as the reader makes their way through this tome, those phases get progressively less interesting: the rise-to-fame stuff is a fascinating insight into one man’s drive and ambition; the Hollywood portion is good, but disappointingly lacking much new insight; and the political stuff does not grip me in the slightest – phew, I’m glad he finally managed to get that latest deposition through the Supreme Court!

What I don’t remember is what whether Arnold wrote anything about his plans to return to movies – which is what he did with 2013’s THE LAST STAND. This is actually quite apt, because I watched the thing when it came out and struggled to recollect anything about it this time around.

Released exactly 10 years after his previous film, TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES, THE LAST STAND was Arnie’s big comeback as a leading man. Except, it wasn’t his first comeback. In one way or another, he’d been trying to come back ever since LAST ACTION HERO tanked in 1993.

To wit: for TRUE LIES (1994), he teamed back up with his old pal, safe-hands Jim Cameron – his films always make money. ERASER (1996) had him doing an action movie that was unapologetically ‘80s, harking back to when Arnold was truly a force to be reckoned with. BATMAN & ROBIN (1997) seemed to be the safe step of joining a successful franchise (whoops).

END OF DAYS (1999) found him trying out going darker and topical (premillennial angst); THE 6TH DAY (2000) was his first sci-fi since the massive TERMINATOR 2; and in 2002’s COLLATERAL DAMAGE he made the odd decision to star in an action flick where he doesn't kill anyone – which made as much sense as a pornographic film with no sex. Then finally, he accepted a $30 million campaign contribution salary to return to his most iconic role as an emotionless cyborg for the third time.

Alright, so THE LAST STAND. What exactly is there to say about the film that kicked off Phase Four in the life of Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger?

Well, since I couldn't remember much from my first watch 10 years ago, this time I decided to pay real close attention and get some stats for ya.

Here’s a record of the number of times: 

– Reference is made to Arnie's advancing age or physique or his history of violence: 11

– I wonder if the town’s diner isn’t actually the same set from the movie A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE: 4

– Johnny Knoxville fires a comically huge Magnum .500 while wearing Biggles goggles and/or a silly hat: 3

– Arnie emerges from a car wearing sunglasses: 2

– Luis Guzman is used for comic relief: 7

– Luis Guzman says "Get to the diner!" and I wonder if it’s supposed to be a tease as to whether Arnie will at some point say "Get to the chopper!" ( … he never does): 1

– I’m surprised that Harry Dean Stanton is in this: 1 (he’s shot dead at the end of his one scene)

– Forest Whitaker, playing an FBI agent, talks with authority and makes us take the film seriously for at least as long as he’s on screen: 5

– Arnie shows that he has the real authority by hanging up a phonecall on Whitaker: 2

– We get a genuinely creatively staged action sequence: 3

– The streets are conveniently free of all pedestrians and non-cops/non-criminals while action sequences take place: 4

– The villain kills a cop who he knows has a baby on the way, even after the cop puts his gun down, thus confirming said villain’s evil bone fides: 1

– Arnie is the only cop who knows how to do his job in the entire town: 3

– Arnie uses his intuition to sniff out a bad guy: 1 (although he was played by Peter Stormare, so intuition wasn’t really necessary)

– Arnie fires a shotgun out the passenger-side window with one hand while driving: 2

– Arnie advises someone to apply pressure to a gunshot wound: 1

– Arnie delivers a one-liner: 5

– Arnie delivers the line "I'll be back": 0

– There’s a tooling-up sequence: 2

– An old woman brandishes a hunting rifle: 1

– There’s a car chase through corn fields: 1

Well, there you have it: the numbers don’t lie.

In the final analysis, THE LAST STAND is no COMMANDO, or even a RED HEAT or a RUNNING MAN, but it is better than practically all of Arnie’s post-BATMAN, pre-Governator output. And it’s certainly more fun than reviewing state legislature regulations, or whatever the big man was doing a few months before he set foot on set.

Three stars out of five.

Valid use of the word ‘last’?  Yep – not even the border guards are there to back them up.

What would a movie called THE FIRST STAND be about?  I’m going to go for a biopic of Arnie (Lord knows who could play him) that begins with his first steps as a toddler, showing how that ‘first stand’ was the start of a journey that led to winning Mr Universe four times, holding a political position in a country not of his birth, and playing an over-sharing pregnant man who says things like "My nipples are very sensitive" in 1994’s JUNIOR.

Previously:  THE LAST FIVE YEARS

Next time:  THE LAST OF THE MOHICANS 

Check out my books:  Jonathanlastauthor.com

Review #26 THE LAST FIVE YEARS (2014, Richard LaGravenese)

 

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The ups and downs of a relationship over a five-year period, from first courtship to eventual divorce, told using a whole load of songs.

Starring  Anna Kendrick, Jeremy Jordan

Written by  Richard LaGravenese

Produced by  Janet Brenner, Kurt Deutsch, Richard LaGravenese

Duration  94 minutes

   

Oh God, a musical. Great. OK, deep breath, engage maximum level of tolerance …

Musicals are my number one least favourite movie genre. Well, type of live performance as well – and as a leisurely stroll down London’s Shaftsbury Avenue will reveal, they have a majority stake in theatreland.

So at least they don’t dominate moving pictures in the same way they do, er, moving people. But it wasn’t always this way. The ’30s to ’50s are considered ‘the golden age of musical films’, when you couldn’t move for the things. It seems that as soon as Hollywood could do both visuals and pre-recorded sound (THE JAZZ SINGER, with its famous "You ain’t heard nothin’ yet" snippet, came out in 1927), they couldn’t wait to choke the public with as many song and dance numbers as those poor people could stomach.

In my younger years, musicals were easy to avoid. Sometimes when watching a Disney cartoon, I’d realise that I was actually sitting in front of a musical, but those scenes usually passed by relatively painlessly. (And, since this was the home video era, were easily fast-forwardable – the anthropomorphic ROBIN HOOD, a personal favourite, has a dreary love ballad between Robin and Marion that always had me reaching for the chunky VHS remote.)

Then came the turn of the 21st Century and a worrying musical revival. Both originals, like SOUTH PARK: BIGGER, LONGER, UNCUT (1999), and new adaptations, like CHICAGO (2002), MAMMA MIA (2008) and LES MISERABLES (2012). Things did calm down after that initial flourish, but nowadays you still see (or, in my case, don't see) the likes of IN THE HEIGHTS (2021) and Spielberg’s stab at WEST SIDE STORY (also 2021).

Exactly why do I hate musicals? I guess I just don’t understand the need to express a story through singing and dancing. I don’t enjoy watching them and I don’t enjoy listening to them. Specifically, their artificiality leaves me cold – how completely removed they are from reality, like the way all the people move in unnatural synchronicity, as if some kind of INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS hive mind, with creepy fixed grins plastered on their faces (an anxiety that recent horror hit SMILE utilised effectively). The stories are usually thin, the characters shallow and the themes overplayed, and the performance element is used to distract the viewer from those shortcomings.

Look, there are some musicals that I like. The two that come to mind are THE BLUES BROTHERS and O BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU? But crucially, those are actually straight comedies with performance numbers in them. Conventional narratives interrupted by people stopping what they are doing to sing and dance as part of the story; not stories taking place in some alternate reality where that’s how regular people interact day to day.

Despite all this, I did actually fire THE LAST FIVE YEARS up with some level of optimism, having read up on it beforehand.

One nugget of hope was that it plays with traditional structure, something I tend to appreciate. The five-year relationship is told alternatively from beginning to end by the male protagonist (Jeremy Jordan) and from end back to beginning by the female (Anna Kendrick). Another was that this bittersweet, contrast-heavy format inevitably delivers a healthy dose of cynicism, not (or not only) your usual cheery, jolly, cringey let’s-all-leap-about-and-belt-our-hearts-out business. 

And so, because I knew it was unlikely that I would genuinely ‘enjoy’ THE LAST FIVE YEARS, I did my best to take an objective, removed and rational standpoint – just like real critics do ... I imagine.

The lyrics are very on the nose, as expected. But I guess that’s because what the characters are really doing is singing out their inner monologues. When Anna Kendrick laments finding a letter from hubby asking for a divorce, she’s not going to modulate her manner of speaking – she’s just going to react. Are the words she sings out straight from her head (or, you could of course also say, heart) sincere? Yes, they do seem to be.

The set pieces often break through the walls of reality, with incidents, people and places mentioned in the songs entering into the ‘real’ world of where the singing is happening. For example, Jordan’s first number takes place in his apartment bedroom as the couple get it on for the first time, and when he opens his closet he reveals girls from previous unsuccessful relationships as he describes them. But that’s OK, it’s illustrative, they aren’t really ‘there’, they aren’t rearranging the clothes on the hangers or anything.

And are any of the characters in the creative industries, like in every romcom ever? Yes, bloody both of them: the guy is an author, the girl is a dancer. Well, that’s a trope, and you can’t hate something for using tropes, every type of film has tropes. And the romcom comparison is apt, since that’s certainly a genre with which musicals often overlap. It may be unsurprising to learn that I don’t like those much either, but I’ve learned to tolerate romcoms far more than I have musicals. So, maybe there is hope.

It seems to me now, after an hour and a half of THE LAST FIVE YEARS, that there is something about musicals that is instinctive, primal. Not unfinished and shallow, as I’d always believed, rather extracted directly from within and then thrown onto the screen unfiltered. They can show truth – in a stark way that may feel awkward in its rawness, but the pursuit of truth is certainly a purpose of art and so should be applauded.

Perhaps I now understand the genre better. It doesn’t mean I have to like musicals and start going through the MGM back catalogue. But it does mean I can better try to appreciate them, and don’t have to just lazily brandish a one-star verdict and move on. (I'll graduate to two stars, instead.)

So come on, then. Any other musical films with ‘last’ in the title out there? Bring it on – I’m ready for ya!

Two stars out of five.

Valid use of the word ‘last’?  They ain’t getting back together, that’s for sure. So the word works in both its ‘previous’ and ‘final’ senses.  

What would a movie called THE FIRST FIVE YEARS be about?  Due to the backwards/forwards structure, it would be exactly the same movie.

Previously:  STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI

Next time:  THE LAST STAND 

Check out my books:  Jonathanlastauthor.com

Review #25 STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI (2017, Rian Johnson)

 

* * *

The First Order is well out of order and the Resistance is trying to resist them, including by persuading reclusive former Jedi Luke Starkiller Skywalker to train Rey (surname up for speculation) in the ways of The Force.

Starring  Daisy Ridley, John Boyega, Adam Driver, Oscar Isaac, Mark Hamill, Domhnall Gleeson

Written by  Rian Johnson

Produced by  Kathleen Kennedy, Ram Bergman

Duration  152 minutes

Released in October 2012, the official Disney announcement about the Mouse House’s acquisition of Lucasfilm includes the following line from George himself: "It’s now time for me to pass STAR WARS on to a new generation of filmmakers." Elsewhere, Bob Iger, Disney’s chairman/CEO, says of Lucas, "He’s entertained, inspired, and defined filmmaking for almost four decades and we’re incredibly honoured that he has entrusted the future of that legacy to Disney."

Lucas wanted to give up his baby; he’d watched it grow up and had decided that it no longer needed him. He was still hurting from all the (deserved) criticism his prequel trilogy had received from fans who thought they knew better, and so this man who was clearly uncomfortable in the role of director – six films across 30 years with none between 1983 and 1999 or since 2005 – finally cashed out and went home for good.

But he didn’t leave without (a new) hope. Clearly, George had not stopped caring about wars among the stars: the press release vaguely promises that he will carry on "as creative consultant" to Kathleen Kennedy, which may or may not have actually happened, and there is no doubt that he wanted the franchise to be carried forward by the right people, filmmakers who could "entertain, inspire and define", as Iger (or, more likely, Iger’s PA) had put it.

And it really seemed like Kennedy was on the same page, judging by the talent she was lining up to fill George’s boots. But then the following happened:

– TOY STORY 3 writer Michael Arndt is fired from EPISODE VII.

– Gareth Edwards directs ROGUE ONE but is fired during post-production.

– Phil Lord and Chris Miller are hired to direct SOLO but are fired during production and replaced by Ron Howard, who reshoots most of the film.

– JURASSIC WORLD’S Colin Trevorrow is brought in to helm EPISODE IX but is fired and replaced by JJ Abrams.

– CHRONICLE’S Josh Trank is hired to direct a Boba Fett movie with a release target of 2018 but is fired before production begins. He’s replaced by LOGAN’S James Mangold, but the film still hasn’t been made.

And that’s not even a comprehensive list.

And what of THE LAST JEDI director Rian Johnson? The BRICK, LOOPER and, latterly, KNIVES OUT man was the biggest auteur of the lot and had been entrusted to helm a whole new trilogy. But audience backlash to the risks he took with LAST JEDI (you know, the kind of risks that filmmakers who can entertain, inspire and define the artform tend to take) spooked Disney and word on parts two and three has gone very quiet. And Johnson's fanbase-dividing decisions were then all reversed in the next episode.

My own reaction to the post-Lucas Skywalker trilogy, as someone who doesn’t really care about STAR WARS but who will go see a new instalment since they're such cultural events, was that I understood why Disney had gone so safe with THE FORCE AWAKENS. Sixteen years on from REVENEGE OF THE SITH (the only watchable entry in the prequel trilogy), they needed to get the fans back onside with an onslaught of nostalgia and I thought Abrams pulled if off commendably.

Then THE LAST JEDI tried to do something different while still managing to be entertaining and yes, I did resent how Disney then abandoned Johnson’s refreshing anti-family-legacy direction for THE RISE OF SKYWALKER – especially because that time the ‘safety first’ approach really backfired. Oh my sweet Lord. RISE OF SKYWALKER was just awful: boring, derivative and lacking any kind of energy or inspiration, with an incredibly lazy plot-point-to-plot-point ‘OK, we’ve got that thing, we may as well head off now to get the next thing’ narrative. There hasn't been a STAR WARS movie since and God only knows how they are going to recover from that travesty. 

Meanwhile, my second viewing of middle-entry LAST JEDI for this review did little to alter my earlier impressions:

– It still has Domhnall Gleeson channelling Peter Cushing, alongside Eddie Hitler from BOTTOM.

– Ford is still gone, but Hammill is back (making brave character decisions while living off green milk straight from a sea mammal’s teat) and Fisher remains with us.

– Laura Dern still turns up to work with a purple rinse modelled after Phyllis Pearce off of CORONATION STREET.

– It still doesn't make sense that Kylo Ren would wear his hair that long if he's going to sweat inside a helmet all day. Go for the number one all over, mate!

– It still has the courage to be STAR WARS while also being about STAR WARS and its fans, with a candidness that made some of those fans uncomfortable.

– It's still the most political entry in this space opera by a large margin, as is typical of Johnson, which was another thing that antagonised some.

– It still manages to mostly make you forget that the reason it exists is to sell toys.

– And it's still probably the best one of these things since THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK.

And so how does the future look for STAR WARS movies? Will Kennedy et al stop being so trigger-happy and let writers and directors follow through with progressive ideas that won’t please everyone but which may be the only way to keep this saga of all sagas alive?

Only time will tell. All I’ll say is, I hope that right at this moment George is enjoying his billions and that they are proving to be of great comfort. 

Three stars out of five.

Valid use of the word ‘last’?  These things never end; there will always be more. There will always be more and you will always come to see them.

What would a movie called THE FIRST JEDI be about?  "According to the Legends universe, the first Jedi ever was Prime Jedi, who founded the Jedi Order around 25,000 BBY (before the Battle of Yavin) on the planet of Anch-To." So now you know.

Previously:  LAST KNIGHTS

Next time:  THE LAST FIVE YEARS

Check out my books:  Jonathanlastauthor.com

Review #24 LAST KNIGHTS (2015, Kazuaki Kiriya)

 

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Forced to execute his beloved master, a noble warrior dedicates his life to fighting back against the corrupt and sadistic ruler who put him in that fateful position.

Starring  Clive Owen, Morgan Freeman, Cliff Curtis, Aksel Hennie, Peyman Moaadi

Written by  Michael Konyves, Dove Sussman

Produced by  Luci Kim   

Duration  115 minutes   

 

(Ring ring, ring ring)

(Crunch crunch)  "Hello?"

"Oh, hello. Am I speaking to Mr Clive Owen?"

(Crunch crunch)  "Yeah."  (Crunch crunch)  "Who’s this, then?"

"This is Morgan Freeman."

"Actual Morgan Freeman?"  (Crunch crunch, swallow)  "Really?"

"Yes, really, Clive. How are you?"

"Fucking hell, I mean, hold on a sec."  (Beat)  "Sorry Morgan, I was just watching the footie and munching on some Doritos."

(Chuckles)  "Ah yes, you Cockneys and your association soccer."

"Ha, actually I’m from Coventry, mate. In the Midlands?"

"Is that so? You know, Clive, I recall that when we were shooting THE DARK KNIGHT RISES, Christian, Tom and Michael would often watch Fox Soccer between setups."

"Oh yeah? Nolan as well?"

"No, Christopher was usually busy, chatting to Wally about the lighting or whatnot. Anyway, at the time, they were broadcasting a documentary series on Liverpool Footballing Club, narrated by yours truly."

"Yeah, that was me. Liverpool, they’re my team, mate." 

"So, you’re one of those ... ‘Scousers’? Like John Lennon?"

(Chuckles)  "No, Coventry’s nowhere near Liverpool."

"Oh, but I thought you Englishmen had a ‘support your nearest franchise’ attitude to sports?"

"Er, yeah, well ... um ... Listen, sorry Morgan mate, but how can I help you exactly?"

"Sorry, Clive, I’ll cut to the chase. I'm calling about this script my agent has given me, THE LOST KNIGHT."

"Oh yeah, right. No, I think it’s actually called LAST KNIGHT ... I think."

"Oh, I see, right."

"Like ABOUT LAST NIGHT, but I don’t think we’re gonna be seeing Demi Moore or Rob Lowe in it. Yeah, I just got off the phone with my own agent about booking me onto a Czech Airlines flight."

"So then, what I’m told is true and you’re attached?"

"Right, yeah I am, that’s right. Are you doing it and all?"

"Well, this is why I’m calling you and interrupting your soccer, Clive. Sorry, ‘football’."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes, I’d like to talk about the script. I can’t make my mind up about whether I should do this movie or not. I have a few questions – would it be any bother if I ran through them with you, Clive?"

"No, Morgan mate, no bother at all. Go for it. It’s half-time now, anyway."

"Clive, I'm much obliged. So, would I be right in assuming that you’re taking the lead role, this character ‘Raiden’?"

"Raiden, yeah that’s the fellah. Like off of that arcade game, MORTAL KOMBAT, the geezer with the hat that did the lightning. You remember that game, Morgan?"

"No, Clive, I'm afraid I do not."

"‘Finish him!’"

"I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re talking about."

(Chuckles)  "Never mind."

"So can I just ask, Clive."

"Anything, Morgan mate, anything."

"What attracted you to the part? And the script in general?"

(Exhales)  "Well, I did KING ARTHUR back in the day and that was a bit of a laugh. Riding on a horse and swinging a sword about and that. Plus, I’ve never been to the Czech Republic and it’ll make a change from bloody Bulgaria, where they film everything these days."

"True, Clive, so true."

"Did you know there's a nightclub in Prague with five floors? Apparently, you can get the best absinthe in Europe there. It’s at the end of that bridge they have, what’s it called, the famous one. I dunno."

"I see. But the movie, Clive."

"Oh yeah, right."

"Was there anything about the script that made you think that you have to do this project?"

"Well ... I dunno, really. It seemed alright, from what I can remember. No worse than a lot of the shit that comes my way these days. What’ve you been offered, second lead?"

"Well, it's a character called ‘Bartock’."

"Oh right, yeah. Um, remind me, what’s his deal then?"

"He’s Raiden’s mentor and father figure."

"Oh yeah, right! Don't you get killed off early doors? Wait ... don't I have to stab you to death or something, like under coercion or whatever?"

(Chuckles)  "Yes, I do fall by your hand it would seem. It’s a little unclear as to why, though. I’ve offended someone ... and you’re under some kind of political pressure, as far as I can tell."

"Yeah, I did kinda zone out with all that plot stuff. Lot of bollocks about ‘honour’ and ‘how dare you besmirch my family’ and all that. I started to flick through, searching for the bloody battles!  (Chuckles)  The bloodier the better, as far as I'm concerned!"

"But do you think the audience will be following what's going on?"

"Probably not. They’ll probably be chugging a beer and skipping through to the violent bits, watching the thing at home on Netflix or whatever it’s on."

"I suppose you’re right, Clive. But there is ... something else."

"Oh yeah? Come on Morgan, spit it out mate."

"Well, the main thing I’m worried about is, this movie starts with me doing voiceover. Again!"

"Oh, come up Morgan, everyone loves your voiceovers. Christ, you were like my bloody role model, giving me the confidence to do that one for Liverpool when I wasn't sure I could pull it off. Honestly, mate!"

"That’s very kind, Clive."

"Straight up! Obviously SHAWSHANK and, oh mate, fucking MARCH OF THE PENGUINS? Are you having a laugh? But you know the absolute best for me? WAR OF THE WORLDS. Fucking nailed it, mate."

"I appreciate the kind words. But do you think that audiences are a little ... weary of hearing my voice by now?"

"No way. Never. That’s like asking would I ever get sick of watching Stevie Gerrard bang in 30-yard belters."

"Hmm. I see your point. But, Clive, I know I exit the movie early, but I’m still concerned about how well the rest of the picture will come across. The screenplay is nearly 120 pages and it all seems rather bland and unimaginative; it’s definitely slow and quite confusing at times. I’m just not sure how much –"

(Crunch crunch)  "Mm-hmm, yeah, I see your point, mmm (crunch crunch) ."

"Clive, have you opened another packet of Doritos?"

(Crunch)  "Mmm, yeah, sorry Morgan... they’re those Flaming Hot ones, know what I mean?"  (Crunch crunch)

"I see."

"Look, Morgan  (crunch) . The second half of the football’s about to start. I'm gonna level with you, mate. I don’t get offered a lot of lead roles these days. It’s not 2006 anymore, and I doubt I’m ever gonna get another Oscar nomination. Fucking should have won it for CLOSER, can't remember which twat beat me to it."

"That would have been me, Clive."

"Oh fuck, was it?"

"Yes, for MILLION DOLLAR BABY."

"Shit, that’s right. Bollocks. And well-deserved too, mate. Shit ... er, sorry about the language."

"That’s quite alright. You still have plenty of time. I was nearly 70 when I finally won that statue, you know."

"Yeah, well like I say, I'm not so sure I’m ever gonna make it onto one of them podiums again. But anyway, so yeah, I open up a script like this THE LAST KNIGHTS or whatever the fuck it’s called, and I think, horses? Swords? Free holiday in Eastern Europe? Fuck it – why not?"

(Beat)

"Clive, just tell me one thing."

(Crunch crunch)  "Morgan mate – anything."

"Did you really say five floors?"

"My cousin was over there for his mate’s stag do ... er, bachelor party. What he actually called the place was, and I’m quoting directly here, he said it was ‘five floors of whores’. Apparently it’s fucking mental. The whole city, in fact."

(Long beat)

"Morgan? You still there, mate?"  (Crunch)

"Clive, I’m going to think all this over, but I reckon I might just be asking you to count me in on that first round of absinthe."

"Ah, that’s the spirit, Morgan mate!"

"Enjoy the rest of your game and good luck to the Liverpool."

"Cheers Morgan, it’s fucking Man U so we need to beat these bastards."

"So long, Clive."

"See you in Prague, mate."  (Crunch crunch)

(Click)

Two stars out of five.

Valid use of the word ‘last’?  Not as such. I didn’t get the impression that there would be no further knights subsequent to the events on show.

What would a movie called FIRST KNIGHTS be about?  What about a double-bill of British writer/director Steven Knight’s first screenplay credits, GYPSY WOMAN (starring Jack Davenport) and DIRTY PRETTY THINGS (Chiwetel Ejiofor, Audrey Tautou)?

Previously:  THE LAST TIME I SAW PARIS

Next time:  STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI 

Check out my books:  Jonathanlastauthor.com