24 November 2024

Review #62 THE TOXIC AVENGER PART III: THE LAST TEMPTATION OF TOXIE (1989, Lloyd Kaufman, Michael Herz)

 

THE TOXIC AVENGER PART III: THE LAST TEMPTATION OF TOXIE

New Jersey-based superhero Toxie gets a day job to pay for his blind girlfriend’s eye-surgery. Unfortunately, his boss turns out to be the Devil and, worse still, Toxie becomes a yuppie.

Starring  Ron Fazio, Phoebe Legere, John Altamura, Rick Collins, Lisa Gaye

Written by  Lloyd Kaufman, Michael Herz

Produced by  Lloyd Kaufman, Michael Herz

Duration  102 minutes  

   




I’m a completist. When it comes to films, I want to see them all. Not all all – I wish! No, I’m talking about completing a set.

A film series is, I would say, a quite common completism goal. All the Bonds; all the Marvels (shudder); all the wars that take place among the stars. And doing an actor could still be considered a sane and reasonable pursuit.

What I’m talking about here is the next level: directors.

Now, some have been easy for me to tick off, owing to their limited output. James Cameron has only just reached nine with that Avatar sequel, with (shudder again) more of those things in the pipeline. Kubrick did a still-low 13, including that early, terrible one, FEAR AND DESIRE. Hitchcock was much more prolific; I didn’t count his hard-to-find early British ones, including the silent-era, and started instead at THE MAN WHO KNEW TOO MUCH (1934), which still meant a count of 37.

Elsewhere, some directors have been easy to chalk off film by film, since they only got going in the '90s: David O Russell, Darren Aronofsky, Paul Thomas Anderson, Danny Boyle, Tarantino. Some of the older ones I've kept up to date with while also exploring their back catalogues: Scorsese, Cronenberg, Carpenter. Certain directors who had seemed retired can surprise you with a new picture out of nowhere, like Adrian Lyne with DEEP WATER or Michael Mann's FERRARI (I haven't yet braved Francis Coppola's MEGALOPOLIS). A couple of definitely out-of-commission veterans who I’d really love to complete, but whose mammoth outputs intimidate me, are Robert Altman (35 films) and Sidney Lumet (41).

One name I’ve never been tempted to add to my list of completed directors is Lloyd Kaufman’s. To do so would mean watching the majority of Troma’s output, the studio he co-founded with Michael Hertz. Not something I would recommend to anyone, if you want to remain in possession of your marbles.


THE TOXIC AVENGER PART III: THE LAST TEMPTATION OF TOXIE


If you’ve never heard of Troma, here is a sample of their titles: SURF NAZIS MUST DIE; FORTRESS OF AMERIKKKA; BLOODBATH IN PSYCHO TOWN; VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED; CLASS OF NUKE ‘EM HIGH; DUMPSTER BABY; A NYMPHOID BARBARIAN IN DINOSAUR HELL. Troma specialises in shock (or 'schlock'); in pushing the boundaries of taste when it comes to sex, violence, gore, targeting minorities and poking at sensitive topics.

Here's the problem: when a movie thinks that it's great but is actually terrible, it can achieve a fascinating level of outsider art and be enjoyed in a so-bad-it’s-good manner. Think THE ROOM or TROLL 2. If a work is intentionally terrible, it’s usually painfully self-conscious, desperate to please and difficult to watch – in other words, anti-entertainment. Troma doesn’t push boundaries to make any kind of artistic point. Kaufman and his cronies just want to see what they can get away with. Most of the time the result is mind-numbingly dull.

But on rare occasions, Troma shits out a diamond. TROMEO AND JULIET is one, a spirited and anarchic take on the material that benefits from a script by future CEO of DC Studios James Gunn – as well as by being a loose adaptation of, you know, William Shakespeare. 

And another jewel in Troma's crown is THE TOXIC AVENGER (1984).

An introduction to future Troma mascot ‘Toxie’ (later transposed to kid-friendly cartoon The Toxic Crusaders), the movie applies Troma’s sensibility to something that actually works – in a lowest-common-denominator kind of way. It’s essentially a superhero origin story, in which put-upon health club janitor Melvin falls into an open barrel of toxic waste following a prank gone wrong, which mutates him into a mop-wielding, hyper-violent version of Sloth from THE GOONIES. Rather than return to cleaning toilets and wiping sweat from pull-down bars, Melvin/Toxie instead starts fighting crime and corruption in his hometown of Tromaville, New Jersey.

One of my friends used to own THE TOXIC AVENGER on VHS and it was regular viewing for a gang of us over beers and pizza. A recent rewatch confirmed that the movie still holds up today, and when I noticed that part three qualifies for this blog, I decided to dive into the whole series.


THE TOXIC AVENGER PART III: THE LAST TEMPTATION OF TOXIE


And the sequels start promisingly with THE TOXIC AVENGER: PART II. In it, Toxie travels to Japan to search for his father, only to find when he returns to Jersey that he was tricked into this quest by the nefarious Apocalypse Inc, a chemical company/crime syndicate who have now overrun Tromaville. Offensive Asian stereotypes notwithstanding, TOXIE II is quite fun.

The same, however, can’t be said about number three here, THE LAST TEMPTATION. It’s a film that literally shouldn't exist, being that it was cobbled together from unused TOXIE II footage when Kaufman wanted to make a quick sale to foreign investors (there’s that artistic integrity again). 

Meandering, laugh-free and surprisingly tame, TOXIE III is as lazy as you would expect for a project that grinds through the minutes with the sole purpose of simply existing. It's not dissimilar to those sequels that are green-lighted purely to retain IP, such as HELLRAISER: REVELATIONS or that FANTASTIC FOUR from 1994 (recipient of the greatest trailer ever). The movie really doesn't warrant any further scrutiny.

I am glad, however, that I hung in there for part four (subtitle: CITIZEN TOXIE), as it's a definite upturn. The film counters the timidity of LAST TEMPTATION with a tastelessness that is almost admirable, including the series’s most gloriously OTT fight scene during its hospital-set third act. For the denouement, Toxie’s girlfriend gives birth to twins, one good one evil, who we just saw fighting in her womb MORTAL KOMBAT-style. TOXIE IV actually comes close to recapturing the hell-for-leather charm of the original.

So yes, I am now a TOXIC AVENGER completist; one step closer to a worthwhile existence, I'm sure you'll agree. Or at least I will be, once the remake is out: it still doesn't have a release date, despite debuting at Spain's Stiges Film Festival in October 2023.

One star out of five.


Valid use of the word ‘last’?  Nope. But as I say, despite starring Peter Dinklage (as Toxie), Jacob Tremblay and Kevin Bacon, the remake is currently caught in some kind of distribution limbo.

What would a movie called THE FIRST TEMPTATION OF TOXIE be about?
 That's actually a pretty accurate description of the original film. Its catalytic event was poor Melvin being subjected to an insincere promise of sex from a duplicitous gym bunny, which inadvertently led to the whole toxic-waste-mutation situation.


Previously:  THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN

Next time: 
AND WHEN DID YOU LAST SEE YOUR FATHER? 


Check out my books:  Jonathanlastauthor.com

12 November 2024

Review #61 THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN (1982, Boaz Davidson)

 

The Last American Virgin

* * * * 

Three horny teenage boys pursue girls in suburban Los Angeles.

Starring  Lawrence Monoson, Diane Franklin, Steve Antin, Joe Rubbo, Louisa Moritz

Written by  Boaz Davidson   

Produced by  Yoram Globus, Menahem Golan, David Womark   

Duration  92 minutes   

 





PORKY'S. REVENGE OF THE NERDS. SCREWBALLS. LOSIN’ IT. HARDBODIES. SPRING BREAK. THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN.

One of these 1980s teen sex romps is not like the others.

Despite coming from the less-than-reputable Canon Films – known for such dubious output as SUPERMAN IV: THE QUEST FOR PEACE and MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE, as well as for igniting/prolonging the careers of Jean-Claude Van Damme, Chuck Norris, and Charles Bronson – THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN turns out to be a pleasant surprise. It’s not what I expected at all; well, it does have everything I expected in it, but also a lot more besides, making it unique among its peers.

It doesn't stand out just because its director, Boaz Davidson, took the uncommon step of remaking his own film: AMERICAN VIRGIN is a US-based version the Israeli LEMON POPSICLE. Other members of this exclusive self-remaking club include Alfred Hitchcock (THE MAN WHO KNEW TOO MUCH, 1934/1956), Michael Haneke (FUNNY GAMES, 1997/2007), John Woo (THE KILLER, 1989/2024) and Michael Mann (kind of – he expanded his 1989 TV movie LA TAKEDOWN into HEAT in 1995).

AMERICAN VIRGIN isn't notable for having a cast who went onto bigger things, either. There's only Kimmy Robertson, years before portraying dim-witted secretary Lucy Moran on Twin Peaks, and Diane Franklin who would go on to feature in BETTER OFF DEAD and BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE. Probably the biggest up-and-comer is found on the other side of the camera. The film looks unexpectedly great, due to being lensed by Adam Greenberg, the cinematographer who had ALIEN NATION, GHOST, NEAR DARK and both of James Cameron’s TERMINATOR movies in his future.

It also doesn't stand out in terms of plot. It's a pretty loose affair, mostly tying together a series of misadventures – at first comical, then more serious. The sensitive nice guy from three best buddies is infatuated with a new girl at school, but his more studly and less ethical mate gets in with her first. Meanwhile, their other, chubbier pal wears sunglasses indoors, talks about ‘partying’ a lot and provides frequent plus-sized comic relief.


Lawrence Monoson, Steve Antin and Joe Rubbo in The Last American Virgin


So, while it may not be distinctive for any of those reasons, let me give you a flavour of what the cinematic artifact named THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN is.

It’s luring some girls you just met in a diner back to your parent-free house with the promise of Class-A drugs, then surreptitiously racking up lines of Sweet N Low on a mirror – which they gleefully snort, declaring "This is the best Columbian we’ve ever had!"

It’s strutting into a pool party with your collar up and your hair slicked back, tearing open a pack of Marlboro Reds and swigging Jack Daniels straight from the bottle. Then when you return home and drunkenly burst through the front door and interrupt your parents' sophisticated dinner party, you try to seduce the most stern-looking matriarch in attendance before collapsing into the table, sending the plates flying.

Its delivering a pizza to a nymphomaniac cougar, and then returning to her apartment again with your two mates in tow so you can take turns having sex with her, peeking in on each other through the keyhole. And when her husband comes home, he totally buys her explanation that there are half-naked teenagers in the house because she was "giving them Spanish lessons."

Its parking on the beach so you can furiously make out in the back seat of a convertible and kicking the handbrake off in the throes of passion, and then being so preoccupied that you don't even notice that you’re drenched with sea water because the car's rolled into the surf.

It’s catching the nerdiest guy in gym class spying on the girls’ showers through a peephole (a la PORKY’S), and when he then claims to possess the largest penis in school deciding to line up all your schoolmates and measure their erections one by one with a ruler. And it turns out the nerd was right.

It’s hiring LA’s least sympathetic prostitute so you can lose your virginity, and then feeling worse after the deed is done than you did before – and not just because of the resultant STD.

It’s also practically a music video montage with a movie in between, years before MTV. And the early ’80s soundtrack is stellar, not to be beaten until the video game GTA: Vice City, with which it shares some songs. 

Among others, the track list includes:

‘De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da’ – The Police

‘Whip It’ – Devo

‘Better Luck Next Time’ – Oingo Boingo

‘In the Flesh’ – Blondie

‘Oh No’ – The Commodores

‘Open Arms’ – Journey

‘Keep on Loving You’ – REO Speedwagon

‘Love Action’ – The Human League

‘Shake It Up’ – The Cars

‘I Will Follow’ – U2


Lawrence Monoson and Diane Franklin in The Last American Virgin

 

But also, and ultimately, it turns out to be a lot more soulful and earnest than the raunchy tone, bawdy dialogue and excessive nudity of its early stretch suggests. Two thirds through there's a plot development similar to that in 1982’s FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH, another movie that rises above this genre’s trappings: sensitively handled unwanted teenage pregnancy.

So, yeah. We like these kids. We don’t judge them for being young and led by their impulses. We end up invested in their dodgy decisions and flawed but ultimately well-meaning pursuits. 

And the movie has one of the all-time gut-punch endings of the ’80s, maybe even up there with the decade’s ultimate downer denouement from David Cronenberg’s THE FLY.

I can’t believe I’m going to give THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN this rating, but ... yep, there you go.

Four stars out of five.


Valid use of the word ‘last’?  The original LEMON POPSICLE spawned eight sequels in its native land, so although this movie had no follow-ups (and yet we got four installments of both PORKY’S and REVENGE OF THE NERDS!), there were plenty more virgins left out there.

What would a movie called THE FIRST AMERICAN VIRGIN be about? 
Maybe a teen sex romp mashed-up with 1492: CONQUEST OF PARADISE?


Previously:  LAST TANGO IN PARIS

Next time:  THE TOXIC AVENGER PART III: THE LAST TEMPTATION OF TOXIE 



Check out my books: 
Jonathanlastauthor.com