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A young man inherits a luxury spa in Bulgaria ... I mean, in the rural US somewhere. But upon visiting it with his party-animal friends, he finds trouble worse than your standard probate dispute.
Starring Anthony Ilott, Chris Jarvis, Aqueela Zoll, Sadie Katz, Roxanne Carrion
Written by Frank H Woodward
Produced by Jeffery Beach, Phillip Roth
Duration 91 minutes
By the time a film series reaches
its sixth entry, the avid franchise-follower can observe certain trends.
Here's one. When that fifth sequel roles around, the saga in question has often
got to the point where it wants to comment on itself. FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VI:
JASON LIVES, for instance, is a pre-SCREAM commentary on the slasher genre, including making a point out of its series-first move of having actual children at the summer camp. ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE, meanwhile, was the first
non-Connery Bond and has one-and-done George Lazenby quip, "This never
happened to the other fellow."
Elsewhere, FREDDY’S DEAD: THE FINAL NIGHTMARE includes a Kruger childhood flashback
and cameo from Johnny Depp, who made his debut in
the original film. More recently, ROCKY BALBOA saw the Italian Stallion reflecting
on his legacy, visiting Adrian’s grave, wearing a garish maroon suit jacket
while running a pizza restaurant, etc.
Sometimes (OK, usually), the sixth film is considered to be terrible. There's little love out
there for HALLOWEEN: THE CURSE OF MICHAEL MYERS or POLICE ACADEMY 6: CITY UNDER
SIEGE. On the other hand, STAR TREK VI: THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY is a prime example of the ‘even ones good, odd ones bad’ trend for Trek movies
(although, hey – I like THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK!). And FAST & FURIOUS 6
is seen as a high watermark, the point where the car saga got comfortable with
its international-heisting identity before reaching later levels of
space-faring lunacy.
Something else that is likely to happen once a series lurches on this far is that it reboots itself. The WRONG TURN franchise began in 2003 as an out-of-townies-fall-afoul-of-hillbillies shocker, starring former child star Elisha Dushku (TRUE LIES, TV’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer). I’ve seen the original, and remember liking it just fine, although not enough to check out any of its sequels.
It's actually the next and seventh entry of this franchise that was the reboot. This could easily be a sign that part six was so bad that they felt compelled to hit the reset button. But, as ever, I tried to go in with as few expectations as possible.
On reading this film's subtitle, my
first hope was that it would be about wood-dwelling mutant maniacs
descending upon a luxury holiday resort, kind of like zombie video game Dead
Island. No such luck, sadly, but I must nevertheless admit that WRONG TURN 6 isn’t all that bad ... considering.
We begin with an attractive couple stripping off at a hot spring in
the middle of the forest. But it's not just the squirrels and rabbits that
are getting a free peep show. Sure enough, we glimpse some of the
WRONG TURN movies' signature, um, 'differently appearanced' woods-dwellers, spying among the trees. Soon enough they're shooting arrows through eyeballs and
decapitating with barbed wire.
The actual plot, such as it is (which has nothing at all to do with the unfortunate couple from the opening), concerns a young chap who has inherited a big
stately home/spa resort from relatives he never knew he had. He's come to check it out for the weekend with his spliff-toking, beer-chugging pals, as well as his
girlfriend. It's run by a creepily incestuous brother and sister (I think
they’re his cousins?) and his arrival seems to have attracted the attention of the local, er, 'interesting-looking' individuals from that opening sequence, who, it turns out, are in league
with the inappropriately familiar siblings. None of them take kindly to
the intrusion of outsiders. Uh-oh. Hide the barbed wire.
You don't need me to tell you that this is not a great movie. But more to the point, is it a passable slasher – a genre that I'm partial to, or at least sympathetic towards? Broadly, yes. The kills are all pretty satisfying, and the occasional bursts of violence and nudity do tend to pull one's attention back from scrolling the phone screen. That's about it, but WRONG TURN 6 does manage to clear this admittedly very low bar.
The acting is poor; as you'd expect. The dialogue is unnatural and stilted; that
goes with the territory. But what I noticed the most were two things. Firstly, the editing was somehow off: shots cut too soon or too late, resulting in a disorientating
sense of space and a jagged rhythm. It didn't seem to be a stylistic choice,
unless the style they were going for was 'incompetent'.
Secondly, the accents were equally all over the place. Now, it’s set in America
but, like a lot of movies these days (300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE, THE EXPENDABLES, RAMBO: LAST BLOOD, etc) it was shot in Bulgaria to
save a few quid … or, um, to make use of the picturesque landscape? More unusual in the case of WRONG TURN 6 is that the director
is also Bulgarian: Valeri Milev, of RE-KILL and BULLETS OF JUSTICE ‘fame’. So
this time, they probably saved on location scouting, as well.
And possibly casting, too? I can't be sure how many Bulgarians are in the cast, but someone who was definitely putting on a Yank accent,
and who I certainly didn't expect to see, was British Roxanne Carrion (née Pallett),
former Jo Stile (née Sugden) in soap opera Emmerdale. (Actually, she was in LAKE PLACID 3, so maybe I shouldn't have been surprised to see her turn up.) Carrion is subject to one of WRONG TURN 6’s more
gruesome and unpleasant deaths, combining (more) voyeuristic sex, ancient
monuments and having her legs ripped from their sockets by robe-wearing
pseudo-monks. That never happened on an average night down The Woolpack pub.
Put it this way: WRONG TURN 6 is so-so: definitely more of a CHILDREN OF THE CORN 666: ISAAC'S RETURN than a MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE – FALLOUT. Nuff said.
Two stars out of five.
Valid use of the
word ‘last’? Well, I guess our man isn’t likely to
inherit any additional resorts. Although he could always open up a franchise.
What would a movie called WRONG TURN 6: FIRST RESORT be about?
In a situation where you’re surrounded by murderous, arrow-happy
cannibals, the first resort is usually to get the fuck out of there. Which,
keeping to slasher traditions, many people in this movie plan to do but
don’t ever manage.
Previously: LAST CHRISTMAS
Next time: THE LAST SONG
Check out my books: Jonathanlastauthor.com
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